That’s So Gay « milkboys

#1 written by josephk
about 11 months ago

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I used to get upset at people who say “that’s so gay.” Then I realized that you can’t control language. It reaches a certain point where people no longer associate it with sexuality – it’s just an expression.

One time, I complained on my blog about “retarded comments” I’d read on some website. Then this complete stranger posted a comment on my blog to say that she was very offended by my use of the word “retarded,” that she was the mother of a mentally disabled (or whatever the politically correct term is) child and that this was very insulting to her, etc. I understood where she was coming from, but at the same time I was very adamant about my right to use language the way I want to, and I told her I use the word “retarded” precisely because it is offensive and juvenile. Sometimes that’s precisely the effect that you want to go for.

So I think I’d be a hypocrite if I told people not to use the expression “that’s gay.” I know people who are not in the least bit homophobic and who use that expression from time to time. What really matters is people’s attitudes toward homosexuality and homosexuals – not how they use words like “gay.”

Also: http://www.flickr.com/photos/8031083@N04/1795972647/

#2 written by leo
about 11 months ago

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It’s a very “high school” term, and I find people grow out of using it when they discover how stupid they sound, which is usually right around the time that farting stops being funny.

#3 written by Zebsine
about 11 months ago

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That’s how languages work.

And it doesn’t insult me neither. I even use it myself then and then.

#4 written by Piet
about 11 months ago

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I have sometimes wondered if all people are not gay, to a degree. On the other hand some gay people are very fairy like. So, maybe the reference could apply to those. Anyway, many straight people also have their funny ways, and are mostly called stupid…. so, I dont worry about that it might be insulting.

#5 written by alex
about 11 months ago

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u guys arent even gay, u are ephebophilic (or whatever its called, LOL)
i use the word gay when i dont like something (ah, thats gay) etc. i dont care. as long as you dont say “thats pedophile” haha

#6 written by 3Robin
about 11 months ago

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Boy am i glad to have my school years behind me – it’s so nice not to have to constantly fight for your view on life.
I was also often be called names and had to hide my true feelings.
I’m bi by-the-way(at least i think so at the moment). ;-)
And i haven’t really come out to anyone officially yet.
Maybe someday……

#7 written by Marcus
about 11 months ago

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I am guilty of saying “oh thats gay” or “your gay”. Though I see now that when the word gay is used in a negative way it is mainly by little kids. At work we had an openly gay coworker, at the time he started I was not open , everyone thought I was straight. I used the word thats fucking gay, and one of my coworkers said “dude thats rude, you know because of the gay guy here”. So it all really depends on the age and maturity. Yes I do know some older people use it in a negative way too.

I am not saying its good, but sadly a person wont realize its wrong until they get a little older. I think all teachers should do what my highschool teacher does. You use a word out of its true meaning you get to write a 5 page essay on the meaning. A classmate of mine said “thats Ghetto” the teacher heard it and said “do you know what that word means, go write me a 5 page essay on the meaning of ghetto”. This english teacher did not play , she also made us drop a quarter in a jar every time we said like. By the end of the year no one ever said ghetto or used like again in its wrong meanings.

#8 written by Gandalf the Puce
about 11 months ago

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Absoluti69, spoken like a true bigot. Some wrists are naturally limp. Maybe they don’t get as much exercise as yours. It’s a damn shame we can’t all be über- butch like you. I think Frank Zappa said it best. You are what you is.

#9 written by kollio
about 11 months ago

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Its only a word, how can that hurt anybody? Everybody says it all the time, so it doesn’t have any kind of meaning, right?
Well, except that it drives kids to sucide on a regular basis, but hey. Don’t make me question my dumb ass ignorant language use.
I like cock after all, so I can’t be bothered with that shit.

#10 written by Josh~
about 11 months ago

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@kollio
Dunno if you meant the recent incident but I’ll update the post.

#11 written by kollio
about 11 months ago

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yes, I meant the incident, referring to the video linked in my comment (under “drives kids to suicide”).

Sometimes I find the cognitive dissonance of these apologetic gays simply dumbfounding.

#12 written by dudewithgloves
about 11 months ago

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“thats so gay” for gays is like the word nigger for black people
if a str8 person says its bad but if a gay person says it its ok
thats just how i feel about it

#13 written by scottfree
about 11 months ago

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS0GVOQPs0

#14 written by aleks
about 11 months ago

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conundrum

I’m with Levi and Absoluti69, both. Go figure.

But, I’m definitely with Leo, except I would describe this as a ‘Middle School’ phrase that some people don’t grow out of using until they’re about 35!

People who say ‘That’s so gay!’ after they’re 14yo are basically “stoopid peepel who kant unnerstan reel life in teh reel werld we awl liv inn” primarily because they’re ignorant assholes who wouldn’t understand the real world if it bit them on the ass!

Don’t worry – we’ll see each and every one of them again when we review tapes of the ultra-right wing Christian Conservative’s conventions following our next political assassination attempt.

#15 written by Tim
about 11 months ago

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I am a gay and have straight friends that use this term all the time. I find it funny to see there expressions when i am around to correct them. especially when i am around people who don’t know i am gay. for example a car went buy that was really silly looking, and my friend said “thats soo gay” and every body started laughing, and i said ” what? you wouldn’t catch a gay guy driving something like that!” There jaws dropped and then I got to laugh! I really don’t take offense to the word or it’s meaning. It is weird how a word can change meanings over time. Didn’t it originally mean “happy”? and when it changed to describe homosexuals was it negative then? So if it’s negative to say thats so gay, is it also negative to say thats so happy? My religion says that being gay is a sin! A sin is a negative right? So homosexuality is also a negative! So being gay is a negative! and the term thats so gay should be a negative, If you believe in most religions. So if I am to change the way i think about myself, telling myself there’s nothing wrong with homosexuality then do I have to change religions, or stop believing there is a god! There is nothing wrong with being a black person, just the color of there skin, it isn’t a sin to be black. So there right for equality and freedoms were worth the fight. So do we have to re-wright religion so society treats us fairly. Will we eventually be a society that allows every sin to be excepted, and loose all religious beliefs? When you think about all the sins the bible talks about, isn’t society pushing for them all to be excepted? Killing, we execute people for certain crimes, and we allow abortions. With the internet the way it is now you can find porn anywhere, especially if you have an email account! We like to call it art. Treat your body like a temple, but we smoke and drink, and it’s legal! So If the bible said homosexuality was ok, would we even have a struggle? I think not, because religion is what made it a negative thing in the first place.
Just following a thought to the bitter end!

#16 written by tim232
about 11 months ago

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Tim gets to the nut of this – the reaction of others to the phrase when they know you’re gay. If they know someone who’s gay they will be a bit more circumspect about using “gay” as a derogatory term, and even think about whether it’s right to treat gays as second class citizens. By playing it for a laugh, Tim got them thinking about it without making them all uncomfortable about what to say next.

Kids don’t have to come out if they feel threatened, but they can help “ejukate” by saying: ‘Hey, my brother/cousin/uncle is gay and he’d never drive that.’

Everyone in my family and all of my friends know I’m gay. Being out is my choice. I don’t insist they become champions for gay rights, but I do ask them not to join in saying rude things about us, as in me.

#17 written by ROBINFLY
about 11 months ago

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Sono le religioni i responsabili del massacro psicofisico dei ragazzi florenz (gay).Portare al suicidio tanti ragazzi e’ un atto indegno,perverso e criminale.Siamo una societa globalizzata, arrivata al III millennio in pieno progresso,non vi permetteremo di di portarci al regresso, all’oscurantismo piu’totale.Non porgeremo l’altra guancia,anzi Agiremo per proteggere i nostri diritti di essere vivi e orgogliosamente florens. Coraggio amici.

#18 written by jeff
about 11 months ago

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I DONT ACT GAY BUT THE OTHER DAY I WAS IN THE MALL WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND SOME GUY WALKED BY US AS

WE WHERE WALKING AND SAID ” MY FAVORITE COLOR IS PINK” . MAYBE HE PICKED UP ON SOMETHING THAT LET

HIM KNOW I WAS GAY, I DON’T KNOW.

PERSONALLY I KINDA OF BLAME THE MEDIA

BECAUSE WHEN THEY SHOW GAY PEOPLE ON TV OR IN THE MOVIES THE ALL WAYS SEEM TO BE THE STEREO TYPE.

SO PEOPLE GET THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT GAY PEOPLE AND THE ASSUME THINGS. MY FAVORITE

COLOR IS NOT PINK ITS RED. I HATE MADONNA, I DONT DO PLAYS OR MUSICALS, I LISTEN TO ALOT MORE

THAN JUST DANCE MUSIC. MAYBE IF SOME ONE WOULD DO A DOCUMENTARY ON GAY PEOPLE THEY WOULD SEE

WE ARE NOT GAY WE ARE PEOPLE AND MABEY THEY WOULD UNDER STAND US A LITTLE BETTER.

#19 written by Absoluti69
about 11 months ago

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Well, Josh~ I guess you taught me something new. That people could actually naturally, truthfully be limp-wristed and lisping is a real revelation. Sorry, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one. Consider that point of view, if however briefly… How does that behavior arise? Are you saying limp-wristed-and-lispiness could just possibly originate genetically, and that’s why they’re “naturally” “that way”? Or do they “learn” to be “that way”? I am genuinely trying to understand that. Anyway, I won’t use “Thht’s so Gay” ever again; I have used it hardly at all before this, anyway… and then only to Gay friends… who understand I have never been seriously derogatory. Thanks.

#20 written by tim232
about 11 months ago

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I think the point Joshis getting at is that we mimic behaviour – if you know you are gay and all you get is the stereotype on TV and in movies, then you don’t have much else to go by. As the mass media learns that gays come in all shapes and sizes and ages, and is prepared to be present them as such, society’s perceptions gradually change. Hence the importance of high-profile role models.

That said, gay life is immeasurably more colourful because some are drawn to act out, and woe to anyone who crosses a queen – I have seen grown men reduced to tears by verbal laceration. Funny to watch, painful to experience.

In the end, it’s the sticks and stones we really need to worry about, not the names.

#21 written by Ad Schuring
about 11 months ago

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commenter nr 15 and 49, Absoluti69, is saying: there are vaious sorts of gays of which the limb wristed kind should ‘clean up their act’.
I feel nr 15 is the one who should clean up his act: who’se he to say I can’t be campy, trashy, vain, biggotty, assertive, mean.
I’m a macho motorbiking truckdriver and still love the multi colors of the homo society.
Nevertheless: i don’t use the word gay, because to me it means the scared part of the homo society
who need a masked, originaly secret incrowd, word to identify themselves.
I rather identify with the bold, proud, daring part of it. Rather calling my species homo or queer.

So I agree with the definition poster up until the word dumb and stupid. If the rest is scapped, I’m prepared to post it on my own weblog.
And let Absoluti69 continue to call himself ‘gay’

#22 written by Tom bombadil
about 10 months ago

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Me?

I don’t get offended by people using the term ‘That’s so gay’, in fact, I use it a bit myself.

Though of course, im in the closset, not be cause im ashamed; I don’t really care anymore… Things would just get much more complicated if it was let out… anyway.

I shake my head at ’sissy’s, as they’re the people steryotype as gay. They see them, and not only are they classified as gay by people, they become the classification. So then people grow up with a general schema of what gay people are, which is why a shun them, because people won’t notice non-sissy homos nearly as much (for obvious reasons – they seem mostly hetro), Therefore general schema of gay = sissy.
Thats my theory on sissy = gay.

I also agree that religion fucked up people’s accepting homosexuality. Im aetheist, so from my perspective I can see how incredibly harmful many religions are. The reason for religion is only to console people about death.

Anyway, onto the talk of ‘That’s so gay’. I see that its making gay seem negative, yet people aren’t really connecting it to homosexuality. I notice that when someone is called gay (not to imply the person literally is, just to imply he’s an idiot) it is no where near as inteding offense as when someone is called a faggot.

Hayden

#23 written by ich1964
about 10 months ago

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I was 8 years old the first time anyone said to me “you’re a fag”, and it wasn’t intended as a friendly revelation. The intent was nasty and bullying. To me “that’s so gay” is trivial. I rarely hear it (I’m too old I guess) but the object of the message is usually so divorced from anything queer (my preferred term) that you cannot possibly take it as a homophobic comment. I used to get a laugh every time a friend of mine would become apologetic for uttering the word “cocksucker” within hearing of me or some of my other out friends. It’s pretty obvious what the origin of that word was, but it is now a dead metaphor. Most people who use it or “that’s so gay” would need an etymology lesson to realize how the word or phrase used to be used. There are a lot worse things to be worrying about, like true, homophobic bullying which we know can drive many kids to self-destructive behaviour.

#24 written by Renaud LeBlaux
about 10 months ago

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I taught school and most every boy used that term. I find it a very prejudiced use of the word gay..By the way guys look up homophobic. ????????????????????????

#25 written by Stephen
about 10 months ago

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Kinda a bit late when it comes to commenting but ‘ey, better late than never :)

At my school, the term “that’s so gay” has been used for quite a few years, and sure it’s never really bothered me. I’ve even used it once or twice without even realising. Some terms just kinda rub off and you use them without thinking… However, the problem I’m having at school at the moment is that we no longer say “that’s so gay”. Most people these days no longer say gay and instead say homosexual. So you have “that’s so homosexual” or “this is being homosexual”, and of course these aren’t actually in direct meaning to homosexuality, but it still kinda hurts :/

#26 written by Richie44
about 3 months ago

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My objection, for whatever it’s worth, is the use the word “straight” to mean heterosexual. It comes from the ’70’s when all “deviant” sex (anything other than hetro, missionary position, etc.) was considered “kinky”. Haven’t we grown out of that by now? I wonder. I suppose there are plenty of radical conservatives who still think gays should be taken in hand and “straightened out”. Here’s my radical liberal rant,”Get over it !” There’s no good reason for a single word to have so much power, but we give it to them anyway. It’s not the word, it’s the insult and hostility that deserves attention. Yeah, we have a long way to go.

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