My Coming Out Story
by torrance

I came out on my 17th birthday, but I’ve been coming out ever since. Everyday my sexuality is assumed. Everyday I am forced to make choices between playing it safe and keeping this knowledge to myself, or letting my shielding down, making myself vulnerable and undermining heterosexual presumptions. I am “out,” but for the most part I remain invisible.

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19 Responses to “Coming Out Monday *1”
  1. Michael Identicon Icon Michael AUSTRALIA says:

    WHILE THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE DIFFERENT-THE EMOTIONS IN THIS STORY REFLECT THE EXPERIENCES OF SO MANY OTHERS WHICH IS WHY IT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS JUST LIKE THEM.

    BUT MOTHERS-THEY ALWAYS KNOW-DEEP DOWN.

  2. claude simard Identicon Icon claude simard CANADA says:

    Beatifully said. It’s always touching to read someone else’s story of his coming out. I remember that myself I used to suffocate and sometimes I had to secretly rush to the washroom to vomit when I would see the friend I was smitten with appear at the pub or, once, visiting me at home. He had come to my house on a free afternoon in order to ask me to draw his face. I did it, even if I was very nervous, excited by the desire of him : I did a beautiful piece of drawing which he kept all his life.

  3. Demo Identicon Icon Demo BOLIVIA says:

    All coming out stories always make me feel sad, and angry to myself at the same time, being 20 almost 21 and still in, I don’t even have friends to come out to, I came to one I thought was a real friend but I had no luck and I stop seeing him after he avoided me talking about myself openly with him, I tryed going to a physco, one from a non profit org agaist aids that was the only one I found that helped people with sexual problems, and besides not feeling him helping I stopes going after him making me go to see him one morning he was suposed to be on a meeting, so I went and wait until I was told he was not coming, I know I should go back, and I will but, that did not helped, not to say broke my subtle belief of me being actually important

    Sorry, writting all these in here but I didn’t have a good day and had to say it

  4. Conor Identicon Icon Conor UNITED STATES says:

    Well, it’s interesting that this post comes up the same day i’ve decided to come out of the closet….I’m taking it as a sign! Wish me luck everybody!!

  5. Joshua Identicon Icon Joshua NEW ZEALAND says:

    Glad to hear your story Torrance. And good luck Conor, hope it goes well.

  6. Colin Identicon Icon Colin BELGIUM says:

    Awesome idea Josh

    and good luck conor ;)

  7. Dudey Identicon Icon Dudey GERMANY says:

    “Three years later, three years too late, I would finally get to kiss him. ”

    Did he kiss him with 20 or did I misunderstand this ?

  8. LeonC Identicon Icon LeonC UNITED STATES says:

    Thank you for this. Thank you very much.

    I really needed this today. :)

  9. Dave Identicon Icon Dave SWITZERLAND says:

    Amazing story.

  10. oaksong Identicon Icon oaksong UNITED STATES says:

    Oh dear. I wonder if any of you happened to catch “Prayers for Bobby” on TV a couple weeks ago. Fortunately the original story happened back around 1982 and much has changed since then, thanks in part to his mother, after she realized just how wrong she was.

  11. kevin Identicon Icon kevin UNITED STATES says:

    @ conor…. good luck buds! just be honest w/ yourself and avoid pretense whenever possible.
    @ josh…. you are a wonderful human being, Josh. Thanks for taking the time to effectively enlighten me, lighten my day, and give me not only cool boy pics to look at, but songs to listen to, stories to reflect on, and a host of other very cool things. Sorry, you probably get this sort of feedback all the time. But, on the flip side, I do mean it. Thanks, very much.

  12. Josh~ Identicon Icon Josh~ GERMANY says:

    @kevin
    I don’t know why people feel like they have to say sorry for saying thanks – I appreciate every little bit of feedback, praise as much as criticism! :)

  13. kevin Identicon Icon kevin UNITED STATES says:

    p.s.- i was closeted for WAY too long, which went hand-in-hand with being in denial. If I had it to do all over again, I’d have come out as early as I realized myself, and dealt with it as things came up. sure, life beats you up sorta kinda anyway, so my theory is why add denial to that.
    p.s.s.- i think this is the month “Milk” comes out on DVD. if you haven’t seen it, do. too often i heard ‘oh, i’m not a Sean Penn fan’ as a reason for not seeing the film. i’m not particularly a Sean Penn fan either, altho’ i believe he is a good actor. his Harvey Milk in this movie is like no Sean Penn you’ve ever seen. and on top of that the movie was pretty damn good. i defy you as a gay guy to have fought and stood up for your rights to watch the end of the movie and not have tears streaming down your face. it was quite moving. anyway, my three cents worth.

  14. powman Identicon Icon powman SINGAPORE says:

    Best coming out story ever.Outed would certainly be worse than coming out yourself,I understand that feeling of being ‘busted’ and caught totally out in the open,especially for this.Great for you to share this story.

    Got to love the level of English here too :D

    “I love petit, androgynous body forms, blues eyes, and an intellect to match”

    THAT IS SO LIKE ME!

    Truly the best I’ve ever read.

    @Cornor:Good luck!!!

  15. EthanB Identicon Icon EthanB UNITED STATES says:

    I have a coming out story posted at my blog as one of my most recent stories in a collection I hope to eventually publish. They are short bits of memoir from the 1970s, expect for the coming out story which took place on July 4, 1969. (Yes, that long ago!) One story, as my blog notes, was published in a collection by Alyson Books in 2000. The anthology was called Bar Stories and my story was called “My First Pick-Up Line.”
    (If the link on the word “blog” doesn’t work, the URL is ethan-roughdraft.blogspot.com

  16. Torrance Identicon Icon Torrance NEW ZEALAND says:

    Thanks for the nice comments. I’m glad that my story may be of help to others.

    Good luck to you Conor! I hope it goes/went well!

    And to Joshua – nice to see you here! :)

  17. Moosh Identicon Icon Moosh CANADA says:

    I’m not going to officially “come out” to my parents. I’m going to wait until I have a boyfriend that take pictures of us making out and send it to them. Subtly isn’t my strong suit. :P

  18. Conor Identicon Icon Conor UNITED STATES says:

    Wow…thanks guys for wishing me luck, by the way it all went very well!!

  19. Paul Identicon Icon Paul UNITED KINGDOM says:

    Great story, I came out 6 years ago just before Uni. Friends first because i thought if they accepted me it would ease the way for telling my parents. I finally told them in my final year at Uni, they forwarded all my stuff by courier to me. I have not seen or spoken to them in 3 years. Luckily i already had a job and was in a relationship at the time and still am. My parents will never have the pleasure of knowing the man i love. I am not sorry i told them while the consquences at the time were extremely painful for me. They cannot accept me for who i am then i am afraid i cannot accept them as my parents.

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